your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
