Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
