He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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