i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
