no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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