She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
