farters have to be the big spoon...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
