I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize