My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
