You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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