R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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