Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
