Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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