there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
