my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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