His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
the condom got lost in my hair
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
