My hand turned me down
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
