3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
