is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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