hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
