Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize