Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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