thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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