now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
