I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize