how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
