If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
