Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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