nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
