My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
