What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
