My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
