Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
