i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
