you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
