Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
