I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Holy shit dude........stairs
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
