he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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