..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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