even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
