kristin has been a bad kristin
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
