if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
