I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There's always time for handjobs
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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