I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
