so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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