I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
