Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
