Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
