I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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