We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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