You're completely useless in the revolution.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize