you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
