I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
