Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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