life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
