woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
