My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
