Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
