And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
