My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
