1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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