shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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