At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize