I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
