I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
