Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
