I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize